I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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