As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
