In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
