I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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