two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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