I accidentally had phone sex last night
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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