we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
