mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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