ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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