i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
