I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
