You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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