why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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