I like to think it a success when the cops are called
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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