he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
