Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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