Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
