dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
ok first of all what the fuck
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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