i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
