I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
