Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
