your parents love me but you hate me
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The air was thick with penises
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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