i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
