it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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