I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
