Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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