so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
