Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
