I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
