Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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