so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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