where am i from again
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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