She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
