I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
