I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
