I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
