my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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