one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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