He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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