its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
