yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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