By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
