woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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