i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
