Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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