oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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