I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
