Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
