My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
