a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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