You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
