Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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