I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
